We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
