I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
