yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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