4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
