I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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