it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
