Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Green mimosas i think yes
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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