How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize