grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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