I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
