just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
