I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
