Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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