paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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