i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
