he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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