he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
