normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
