why didn't you poke me back
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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