It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
