You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
