So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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