I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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