Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
