Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
