It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
