I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
