The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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