so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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