It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I seem to have left my pride at pride
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
