Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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