wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
