Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
home. puking in laundry basket.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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