I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
