Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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