I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
