You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
