we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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