I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize