i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
