and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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