Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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