Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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