BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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