Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
