I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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