I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
