Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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