Nicole vs. Life
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
