wrigley field is MILF paradise
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
