Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
