So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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