remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
