he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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