I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize