Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
