everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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