Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
