if you like me you must not know who I am
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
