WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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