Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
