dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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