you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
