I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
