you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
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