i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
