On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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